ink_sec_sims: (doc brown)
[personal profile] ink_sec_sims
Hey, today's the day I choose as this journal's birthday! . . .Despite the fact that my first update seems to have been October 3rd and my own birthday is December 27th. And none of my characters have birthdays today either.

. . .Um, anyway, who wants to attend a wedding?

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While we're here, we may as well open on some cuteness. I just love this cuddling mechanic, sue me.

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Emmett: Burglars! Now they've stolen the very floor beneath my feet!
No they -- WAIT. What the fuck, game?!

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Carmen: They've stolen the floor underneath our completely useless cleanbot too.
What the everloving hell. What kind of weirdass graphical glitch is this??

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Emmett: Huh -- it appears the grass is immune to disappearing into the void.
Yeah -- for some reason, that black rectangle only appears if they're standing on flooring. If they sit down or go outside, it vanishes. Is this really what I get for daring to update my graphics drivers, game?

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Well, we can't stand here all day pondering sudden stygian voids -- we have a wedding to go to! The whole gang's here, after all! Said gang being defined as Lorraine McFly, Veronica Haggerty, Hyun Curtin, and Genesis Tang.

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Well, at least this whole "void" thing isn't only happening to Emmett and Carmen.

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Emmett: Hey, Genesis! Remember how we first met, and I thought you were kind of hot despite your weird name? But then you refused to even be friends with me for the longest time and eventually told me I had to stop being a warlock to have any chance with you?

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Emmett: Well, now I'm getting married and you're most likely going to be a dormie forever. Justice is a bitch, isn't it?
Hyun: No, I don't need to hear just how good a kisser your fiance is. Who are you again?

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Carmen: Oh, come on, you know me! FADA SOOLA --
Hyun: DON'T REMIND ME OF THE HELL I MUST RETURN TO AFTER THIS WEDDING

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Edward Contrary: Eh, she's all right, but I wouldn't do her just based on her piano playing.
Good, because A) she's married and B) I barely know who you are.

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Carmen: Come on, guys, I went to school with you! I got good grades and everything!
Veronica: You see, that's how I know you're lying. If you were a real dormie, you would have no grades at all.
Emmett: Also Carmen has much better dress sense than you. What the hell are you even wearing?
I believe there was supposed to be a WEDDING going on?

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Genesis: That dress looks like it came from the 1870s.
Emmett: And that's the way I like it.

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Genesis: This gold number is a hell of a lot more stylin'.
Except for the fact Veronica's wearing the green version right behind you.
Genesis: THEY'RE DIFFERENT COLORS IT DOESN'T COUNT AS WEARING THE SAME THING

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Carmen: Oh Emmett -- thank you for saving me from the depths of dormie hell, WHICH IS A REAL THING WHICH I EXPERIENCED BEING A FORMER DORMIE

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Emmett: And thank you, Carmen, from the bottom of my heart for accepting me as I am and never asking me to change UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW

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With this ring. . .

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I thee wed. Very cattily and with lots of passive-aggressive comments toward the guests.

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Guests: We love passive-agressive comments!
Simon: Awww, wedded bliss.
Er -- you're not a guest, Simon.
Simon: Yes I am. Community lot.
Oh crap.

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Emmett: I'm sorry I couldn't save you from Dormie Hell, Hyun, but your lumpy face doesn't fit into my picture of a new family.
Hyun: It's okay -- Dormie Hell gives me an excuse to hate everything.

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Simon: A toast! To the newlyweds What's His Face and Who Is She!

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Simon: Let us ring our glasses at you in the most annoying fashion possible!

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Emmett: I'll take it as an excuse to lock lips with my new sexy wife and ignore the rest of you.

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Edward Contrary: A toast! To the newlyweds!
YOU sure as hell don't know them!
Edward: Free booze needs no introduction!

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Rosemarie: I also need no introduction!
Emmett: OH CRAP I DIDN'T INVITE HER FOR A REASON

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Carmen: Gotta say, though, Beautificus Locus makes cutting the cake ten times more sexy.

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Emmett: I'm going to stuff this down your throat in an attempt to make sure my CRAZY STALKER WITCH didn't hear that.

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Carmen: The sugar rush from the frosting makes me think that's hilarious!

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Emmett: So yeah, there's someone I dislike even more than you eating my cake.
Genesis: You get all the winners, don't you Emmett?

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Emmett: FEAR my sparkly star-tipped wand of doom!
I swear, the good witches get the suckiest wands. The evil witches, THEY have a wand to write home about.

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Rosemarie: Oooh, this Edward guy is cute!
Edward: Beg pardon?
Emmett: YES HE IS A GOD BETWEEN THE SHEETS DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW THAT JUST OBSESS OVER HIM FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS

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Lorraine: I suppose I should make a toast now, seeing as I might be your only genuine friend at this party. . .

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Random Townie: . . .free booze?
I am starting to remember why I hold almost all my weddings at home.

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Genesis: My turn for a toast! I hope Carmen chokes on your dick, Emmett. Oh, right, YOU DON'T HAVE ONE

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Carmen: Yeah, well, for a girl named Genesis, you don't have much in the way of genitalia either.

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Married for like a hour and they're already arguing about money. Realism?

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Emmett: Let's just get out of here before the vomiting starts.
Guests: FREE BOOOOOOZE

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Emmett: Well, that was fun. Bye, honey, I'm off to work!
Carmen: That's cool, I'm gonna do road yoga!
Reasons why I refuse to believe Sims 4 Sims are going to be smarter until I see actual gameplay proof.

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Carmen: Why do we have a money tree? Both of us have jobs, and Emmett just got that network bonus that raises your salary.
Have you seen your house lately? You need all the help you can get.
Carmen: Who designed this place again?
I never said I was good at building.

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Keeping the sugar rush going?
Carmen: BRIDES EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM

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Carmen: Jumping rope is easy above a stygian void!

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Carmen: Except when the phone rings every fifteen seconds.
Emmett: I made Scholar, if it helps. . . ?
Carmen: How the hell would it?!
Emmett: I just want to mention my promotion, okay?

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Emmett: Maybe I can cook up something that'll make the graphics go back to normal.
I doubt it. This game is elderly in computer terms.

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Carmen: For the LOVE OF --

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Carmen: Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, if you don't get off this line in five seconds I will find you and throw this phone at your head. And it's a clunky old-timey downloaded phone, so I'd hang up if I were you.

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Emmett: How are you doing, lovely?
Carmen: A bit better since the idiots stopped calling. Also, I booked our honeymoon for Monday.
Emmett: Why didn't we have it right away?
Carmen: We have stygian voids under our feet. Voice In The Sky didn't want to risk more glitches.

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Emmett: I could show you how to make these cupcakes. Then you'd have lots of friends like me!
Carmen: Considering what you have for friends, I think I'll pass.

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Carmen: Sooo. . .that Edward guy at our wedding. . .
Emmett: He's rather cute and I hope Rosemarie is now making HIS life hell instead of MINE.

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Carmen: You're so hot when you're written as an uncaring weirdo!

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Sex!
. . .Look I'm too busy downloading Victorian clothes to get the interesting mods, okay?

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And I shall leave you on this nightmarish image of grinning googly-eyed purple hearts. They watch you when you woohoo.
They ALWAYS watch you when you woohoo.


Well, that was a shockingly lengthy update, wasn't it? Good thing too, because October's coming up and of course I'll want to play my Alice games.

So yeah, see you in January!
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